Only In Fornicalia

A college band director can't or won't control his troops, so he sues the college system. Only in Fornicalia.

Get ready to start laughing.

From the San Francisco Chronicle:

Frustrated because he didn't have the power to expel out-of-control musicians from the student-run band, Slabaugh took the unusual step of filing a sexual harassment complaint with the university in May.

The Cal Aggie band is a "hostile work environment," he wrote.

Members of the band's leadership council declined to be interviewed for this story.

"I'm not really willing to talk about anything anyone has done," one said.

Meanwhile, Slabaugh is on stress leave (my emphasis - BZ) and unavailable for comment, said his lawyer, Chad Carlock.

BZ says: "alcohol may have been involved." D'ya think? They're - hello! - in college!

Some of the horrific incidents include (get ready to larf):

-But on last year's road trip to the football game with Portland State, a trumpet player yelled "naked van!" and everybody in the vehicle - men and women alike - stripped to their underwear.

-Meanwhile, a sousaphone player and a clarinetist wrote "I (heart) BOOBS" in masking tape on the van's window, causing a motorist who saw the van on I-5 in Oregon to complain to the university.

-On the band's fall retreat in 2007, four drunken band members were caught urinating in a dormitory elevator, and at band picnic day, four others took their uniform pants down and simulated the incident for a photographer. At outdoor rehearsals, male band members dropped their pants to get a laugh, while women sometimes stripped to their bras, he wrote, and one evening practice was disrupted when a bass drummer began performing lap dances.

-From the start, Slabaugh found rehearsals disrupted by "impolite talking, inappropriate and obscene gestures, dropping of pants and women removing their shirts," he wrote. He said he couldn't get the band to shape up because students ignored his admonitions.

Ooooo -- drinking, impolite talk, women removing their shirts -- now that's harrassment!

This is endemic throughout the nation: those whining, overeducated white people who decide to utilize formal grievances or courts for their own shortcomings. The band director, for whatever reason, can't control his band members and decides the best solutional venue is a formal complaint or a court. Dude, do you have any people skills at all?

By the way, if you've ever seen the Aggie Band play, they're great and funny as hell.

Mr. Slabaugh, you're such a Loser.

BZ