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Update: the AWNAA

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Bloviating Zeppelin: Update: the AWNAA

Bloviating Zeppelin

(in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Update: the AWNAA


WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, and 91% of their national front counter staff lack any people skills whatsoever, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable of employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and also find a place for all illegal aliens no matter how useless they may be."

(Thanks, Dave!)



Blogger A Jacksonian said...

So, I guess we get to subsidize the reporters at the NYT and WaPost and LAT through this?

A much needed smile!

Thank you, Mr. Z!

Fri Jul 28, 04:35:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Rivka said...


This was great! The sick part was when i first read it, i knew it was a joke, but as I read on, i wondered if it was real knowing how the libs think.. I was thinking..'surely they wouldn't want to pass something this stupid', 'this is a joke'.
To think we have a powerful party in our nation that would probably do something like this is scary.

Fri Jul 28, 05:21:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Gayle said...

BZ, we know that they would absolutely do it if they thought for one second that they could get away with it. Expecially the Barbara Boxers and Ted Kennedy types, and there are many of them.

Sheesh. It could easily come to that, ya know!

Fri Jul 28, 05:59:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Bloviating Zeppelin said...

Gayle: that's what makes humor humorous; it's verisimilitude. Shocking though it may be. . .

Rebecca: yes: ain't it sick? One must read over things, every day, in the papers that once cannot, at first blush, believe.

AJ: Why, sir, of course! THEY would want it too, wouldn't they?


Sat Jul 29, 05:06:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden said...

07 29 06

BZ: It took me to the last statement to realize you were joking! hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahaaah

Sun Jul 30, 11:45:00 AM PDT  

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