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Bloviating Zeppelin: The New Obamousine

Bloviating Zeppelin

(in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The New Obamousine

Barack Hussein Obama now possesses a new Obamousine, courtesty of General Motors and the Cadillac Division.

Called "Cadillac One" or "The Beast," this $350,000 + vehicle is based upon a GM truck frame (it is theorized that the Topkick truck is the actual base platform - see bottom) and resembles the Cadillac DTS. On that note, some are thinking the engine may even be a supercharged diesel.

Nicholas Trotta, Secret Service Assistant Director for the Office of Protective Operations is quoted in a news release as saying: "Although many of the vehicle's security enhancements cannot be discussed, it is safe to say that this car's security and coded communications systems make it the most technologically advanced protection vehicle in the world."

Some points on the vehicle include:

- 8 inches thick armor-plated doors, weighing the same as a cabin door on a Boeing 757 airliner.
- Driver’s window: tough enough to withstand armor-piercing (AP) round. The only window that opens – by just three inches – allows the driver to talk to the secret service agents running alongside.

- Windows are 5-inches thick, with anti-spall shields.
- Driver’s Compartment includes standard steering wheel, but the dashboard is installed with a communication center and GPS tracking system.
- The trunk contains an independent oxygen supply (to thwart gas attacks, the interior can be sealed) and advanced fire-fighting system.
- Defense systems include pump-action shotguns, night-vision cameras and tear-gas cannons.

- Supplies of the President’s blood will also be kept on board in case he needs emergency medical treatment.
- The fuel tank is amour-plated, while also being filled with specially designed foam to prevent it from exploding if the armor is penetrated.
- Tires on the limousine are Kevlar-reinforced, puncture- and shred-resistant, with special steel rims that allow the car to continue driving even if the tire is missing.

The body of the vehicle is a combination of dual-hardness steel, aluminium, titanium and ceramic material (to break up possible projectiles) not unlike the "reactive" armor of military tanks and aircraft.

Inside, Obama’s seat has an executive package which features a desktop, laptop computer with wi-fi, state of the art satellite phone and direct comm line to the vice president and Pentagon.

Weight is estimated at 14,000 to 16,000 pounds (6 to 8 tons). It also possesses tie-down points welded to the frame so the vehicle can be transported aboard military aircraft.
It is expected that the new Obamousine will acquire up to 8 mpg -- not quite what the Sierra Club would particularly recommend.

There may possibly be up to five copies of this vehicle, to be utilized as decoys on various occasions.


Below is the GMC Topkick truck platform on which the Obamousine is likely based.


Blogger Rivka said...

Was Bush's like that?

Wed Mar 11, 04:52:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Bloviating Zeppelin said...

Gosh no. It was an armored Cadillac, but not like this one. Not the same level. It wasn't built on a COMMERCIAL truck chassis.


Wed Mar 11, 08:27:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Z said...

That's funny! I call THE ONE "The BEAST"


Wed Mar 11, 09:16:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Rivka said...

Wow.. So not only does 'O' have an MTV White House 'crib', but a slick 'ride' as well.

Wed Mar 11, 11:30:00 AM PDT  
Blogger shoprat said...

On a deserving president this would be worthwhile. Such a vehicle deserves a better user.

Wed Mar 11, 12:10:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He should be in the new Tata motors car. The REALLY cheap one that has no emissions, power or accessories. But it EXTREMELY cheap for a car these days in the $3000 range. You know you're getting old when you think $3000 is a cheap car, my first one cost $15

Wed Mar 11, 03:20:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Bloviating Zeppelin said...

WMD: funny you should mention that; most Leftist Enviros think the Tata is going to spell doom for the entire planet, enabling, now, millions more to afford reasonable transportation and, thusly, producing tons and tons more C02 emissions. Me? I'm thinking there'll be even MORE competition for oil -- which is why we need to DRILL NOW, DRILL DEEP and, by the way, drill NOW.


Wed Mar 11, 03:38:00 PM PDT  
Blogger TexasFred said...

A supply of his blood or his *TYPE*??

Damn, did they screen for sickle cell??

Yeah, I know I am...

Wed Mar 11, 05:23:00 PM PDT  
Blogger The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

Yeah, I know I am...

A dude with a wicked sense of humor?

Thu Mar 12, 02:32:00 PM PDT  

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