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Bloviating Zeppelin: Nothing Serious This Day

Bloviating Zeppelin

(in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Nothing Serious This Day

Sorry, I'm out of the capacity to embrace anything negative today. How about a smattering of levity?

During a test at a Catholic elementary school, children provided the actual following answers to various questions about the Old and New Testaments. These answers have not been changed, spelling included.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNACARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

________________________


Have a great day!

BZ

8 Comments:

Blogger Gayle said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wed Aug 23, 10:57:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Gayle said...

(Previous comment deleted by me! I was laughing so hard I couldn't type.)

ROTFALMAO! Thanks for this, BZ. I needed it! I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. I called Walt in here and read this to him and he got a kick out of it too.

I now know what's wrong with the Islamofascists, thanks to one of those students. They are suffering from "unsympathetic genitals!" S'cuse me for repeating myself but... ROTFALMAO!!! :)

Wed Aug 23, 11:08:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Bloviating Zeppelin said...

Boy I tell ya Gayle, I needed it too! Some days, like today, I simply reach "threshold" on reality and I have to turn the gain back down to zero.

BZ

Wed Aug 23, 01:45:00 PM PDT  
Blogger benning said...

Ahhh, cute stuff! Thanks!

Wed Aug 23, 03:25:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Bloviating Zeppelin said...

Benning: my pleasure, sir!

BZ

Wed Aug 23, 05:18:00 PM PDT  
Blogger ABFreedom said...

Ok.. you got me with 16, 17, and 25 ... Thanks... needed that.

Wed Aug 23, 05:30:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Little Miss Chatterbox said...

Very cute--I enjoyed those. We all need some levity from time to time.

Wed Aug 23, 10:11:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Lone Pony said...

VERY cute! Thanks BZ!

Thu Aug 24, 02:45:00 AM PDT  

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