Whom Do You Hate?

Do I hate certain persons?

You bet I do. I'll also wager you and I share some persons we hate in common.

My most recent experience that got me to thinking:

So there I was. At the Monterey Fisherman's Wharf with a rather urgent need requiring fulfillment. I had already tried two restrooms clogged with waiting persons or a flock of children and their fathers. That did nothing for my requisite demands.

I left the muni wharf for western reaches beyond. I tried another restroom. Locked. By this time I was bordering on psychotic. Nature wasn't going away, that much was abundantly clear. I had already wasted ten precious minutes.

I finally found a bathroom in a State of Fornicalia complex and waited patiently for another few minutes whilst a man urinated in a closed stall. Now, let me make this straight: he could have used the Mark I, Model I urinal a few centimeters to his left; but no. He had to have an enclosed stall. And, as we all know, these enclosed stalls contain basic toilets replete with seats and everything.

Did he know I was there and waiting? Yes, because the larger handicapped toilet was otherwise occupied by someone clearly with pants around ankles, and the urinal then became occupied by the man ahead of me. So I already knew: this guy is peeing, he isn't doing other things. He could hear myself and other persons clearing our throats, talking, letting those involved know that they were not the only ones on the planet. Common etiquette.

He finished and snatched the latch open, sliding out. Another guy hit the urinal. My only option was the smaller toilet stall. I walked inside and found the toilet seat down and completely covered in piss. This guy had pissed all over the toilet seat. Folks, I had to do something more serious than that and required said seat. All he'd had to do was lift the toilet seat itself, requiring something like 12 pounds of pressure on the lid. And then do what needed to be done. Knowing that other persons were behind him. I lit off like a Roman Candle.

The guy was probably a good ten years younger than me and taller and heavier. He was carrying a backpack, a large gut, and another bag over his shoulder. Short dark hair, glasses, shorts, sneakers. Tourist. My scope of vision narrowed and turned dark red.

"Hey asshole," I purred warmly, "you just pissed all over the fucking toilet seat." In the minute or so that followed I found my right hand around his throat squeezing with some decent pressure, pinning him up against the tile. Suffice to say I was rather irate. We exchanged a few further pleasantries and he wisely didn't swing at me but scurried away when I came to my senses. I have never, ever, I swear to you, done anything remotely like this before.

But the exquisite rudeness and assumption of this portly fuckhead defintely pulled my chain.

I smartly concluded that it was time to leave the Monterey Fisherman's Wharf.

What sets you off?

A few of my additional peeves:

• Driving 60 MPH in the far left lane when the freeway is clogged with traffic and the limit is 65, and there's a good mile or more in front of you;
• Pacing the Kenworth tractor/trailer rig through the curves when you possess twice the engine he does and traffic behind you is backed up a good quarter mile;
• Being in a construction zone and talking on the phone, unmoving, whilst others behind you wait for you to move -- and the light turns red -- and you only wake up on the yellow and move ahead a few feet;
• Being in a movie theatre and deciding the deux ex machina is the perfect time to take that cell phone call -- loudly;
• Dragging your two or three brats to the market or Costco or Sam's Club and deciding to block an entire aisle while me and four others are stacked up, attempting to continue further up the aisle past you;
• Being in a restaurant and having to watch and listen whilst your kid(s) throw food about, scream at the top of their lungs, shriek at ear-piercing decibels, and you respond with complete indifference or eminently ignorable comments like "he does that all the time." Folks, I came to the restaurant for a relaxing dinner, not to hear or watch or listen to your spawn break windows with their tight little vocal cords or shitty attitudes;

What pisses me off: people who think that they are apparently the only ones in the Universe and no one else exists.


What pisses YOU off?


BZ