"This Is The Captain Speaking. . .

. . . please, pay no attention to the things you see out your windows."

An airline crew faced a rebellion when they told passengers they were going to fly on a jet that had lost its wing tip in a runway crash.

The SriLankan Airlines customers had been on the Airbus A340 a day earlier when it sliced through a wing of a stationary British Airways 747 at Heathrow, delaying departure by 24 hours.

So they were amazed to be boarding the same plane next day for the ten-hour flight to Colombo.

When cabin crew then admitted there was still a 5ft wing tip missing, there was "a minor revolt" as seven passengers demanded to be let off the aircraft.

A further two-hour delay followed as their baggage was removed before the aircraft could take off.

Club-class passenger Ian McKie, 54, from Loughton, Essex, said: "We were put up in hotels the night of the crash and next morning we were told we would be on a different plane that day. We only realised that we were actually going on the same aircraft when we got to the Club lounge and saw the plane but without its wing tip."

Hey, no wingtip, no problem! What a load of pussies! Man Up! You get the best of both worlds: you're flying on a Sri Lankan airline, and you're flying an Airbus! Are you racist or plane-ist? Or both? After all, isn't it true that anything another country does apart from the United States can only be better than the US? Just ask any neighborhood Leftist.

But here's what I really love, the "official statement" from SriLankan Airlines:

SriLankan Airlines insisted there was no danger in flying without a wing tip. It added: "They are purely for aerodynamics and to keep fuel costs to a minimum. There is no impact on safety at all. Safety is our absolute priority."

That's right: winglets are present for nothing more than decorative purposes. Remember that when you see something like this -- after all, why do you need enclosed nacelles anyway?

BZ